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| i dunno y i do it, but i just did, found out stuff that i shudnt
find out, but instead there was a smile on my face, n i just kept
askin, 'wat's da point?' it's just funny, mayb i hv gone insane, but
hey, at least i cant stop laughin.........
now i see more abt that person, i shud just let go......it's funny,
aint it? i shud have let it go ages ago, as he was bein so
harsh...........
things will never b the same, n i dun even want to hv any contact with
u nor ur family......i look down on u.......i really do.........but, at
least, i think i deserve an APOLOGY in person for wat u did to me!!!! u
dun even have da balls to do it face to face!!!! u r just
heartless..........well, at least i have seen it now rather than
later.......n i m lucky to have got away so soon..............
i just wanna bless u two.......wish u guys da best of luck!!!!! really, seriously!!!! :P
| | |
| *wat goes round, comes round*
this is fuckin true man.....wat goes round, comes round, man.......now
i m havin all these shits back, cos i took him for granted........he is
happy now, he doesnt even care, he couldnt care less.........but me, i
m sittin here, havin my shits back all over me........no-one knows how
the pain is, n what the pain is n how much it will last...........but,
seriously man, i m havin it back.....a big time.........
he's always been nice n sweet to me, but i took him for granted, so now
i m really havin it back n i m really sufferin here, n it's killin
me.....it really is killin me to death........i just blame myself for wat
happened.......n it's me who caused this to happen............i know it
for da fact that i m causin all these!!!!
i seriously dunno how long i can cope with all these anymore, i cant
even pick myself up now.......i just cant............i just dunno wat i
can do anymore..............................i m sufferin
here..........really......guess wat i did in the past 23 yrs, it's wat
i deserve rite now..............seriously, wat goes round, comes
round.............................
| | |
| *departure*
it's emotional, it's sad, it's the end of sth but the beginnin of sth
else.........good luck with eth, watever u do, just wanna let u know i
will always b thinkin of u and i will always b there for
u................take care.......have a safe journey and have mega fun
in hk.........
sometimes when it's time to let go, it's better to let it go.........a
new life n a bright future is awaiting for u......so, dun b sad but
excited abt life in hk........life is too short to run round in a
circle........so get out there n make the best out of it................
missin u...........n thanks for eth ar........u r a star!!!!!!!! 
| | |
| *shit happens*
little things can always add up to one BIG thing!!! recently, there
are alot goin on in my life......mum's ill, he left, stuck with
the shit course, residency n now stupid fees, bills, tuition
fees.........what's more??? m i goin to get seriously ill soon? or m i
goin to run someone over? or sth even more shit will come soon??? i
dunno, u tell me.........
eth just went fuckin wrong, they are all out of my control, like
mum is ill, it's not under my control, he left me, it's not under my
control, stuck with the course, it's not under my control, residency,
it's not under my control, tuition fees aint under my control either........eth
just spiral out of my control...........there aint ath that i can do to
turn the clock back, there aint ath that i can do to change any of
these................kinda shit, aint it?
i just wonder wat will come next to make my life more difficult n i
just wanna know how i will deal with all these shit.....can i cope
anymore, or can i not?
i was all excited abt my new life, doin the things that i want to do,
meetin friends, havin fun, drivin, plannin on movin to london, now eth
seems kinda impossible.........once again...........
i m kinda scared that three yrs on, similar things will happen to me
again, it's kinda like a cycle...........3yrs one BIG turn.............then, i will hv
to deal with all da shit once more.......i m
scared, really m...................
destiny, huh?
| | |
| *respect, equality n treatin each other as an adult*
just went to see the counsellor, and he asked me two questions......
1. what do u want from a relationship?
2. what do u deserve from the relationship?
the first is kinda simple........commitment....
the second one is really difficult.........what do i deserve???
he told me there are three fundamental elements:
respect - in a sense respect each other's decisions
equality - how much u give n how much u get......plus, u dun look down
on
him, or he doesnt look down on u, there are two diff scales, vertical n
horizontal........i guess this is y we broke up....cos he always does
the givin, n i never did, purely bcos i worked 24/7, dun even hv time
to sleep, let alone bein sweet n nice........plus he mite think i
looked
down on him, but i never did......it's hard...........
treat each other as an adult - well......i guess i m still immature, so
he always tells me off..........i guess we are different.................but mayb i always tell him off as well.......but
in a different manner, a calmer way.........
i guess these are the things that i need to work on if i ever gonna
have a relationship......cos these things are hard........it's
difficult..............he said if i never find the balance between all these things, then my
next relationship will end up exactly the same as this
one, thanks..............this is not reassurin!!!!!
*to everyone, just wanna let u know
that i m not mentally ill!!!! dun b silly, i go n see da counsellor
purely bcos he can give me an extension for my project so that i can
hand it in a bit later!!!!! kinda cheatin........so dun worry, guys!!!
love u all....xxx*
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